SHARE YOUR SCHEDULE- IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE

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One of the first questions in a counseling session is generally, “How was your week?”. More often than not, the response is, “Really busy!” Busyness, in itself, might not create difficult marriage situations, but not communicating about our busy schedules can be detrimental to the marriage. Being open and honest about our schedules can create an open path in our marriage that brings us closer to one another. A key to healthy communication about our schedules is what Willard Harley in His Needs, Her Needs calls, “Current Honesty”.

Current honesty can be practiced by revealing our planned schedules to our spouse before we do any activity away from them. Telling our spouse our dail ...

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  • Josh Warren

STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR SPOUSE

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One of the most common themes that I hear from married couples in my counseling office is the lack of good communication. Over time, I’ve learned that generally there are two types of poor communicators. Those that can only talk about themselves and those that are the “quick fixers”. Good communication includes looking into your spouse’s eyes and truly listen to what they are saying to you. The next step is to reflect back what they just said. For example a spouse might say something like “I’m really tired today.” Instead of responding with how tired you are from your long day or responding by telling her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself, you could say “It sounds like you’ve had a really long day today. Maybe I could rub your feet while we sit on the couch and talk about it.” You need to let her open up and talk about what she wants to talk about BEFORE you get time to open up and talk about your day. This obviously works the ot ...

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  • Josh Warren

SCARS ALONG THE WAY

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Is there any detail of your past life that you’re keeping from your spouse out of fear that if they found out, they would feel differently about you? What might happen if one day they were to find out about it? Most people who answer those questions I pose respond with, “Well, I hope they never find out and we won’t have to deal with it.” Does this sound like you? Are you keeping historical information from your spouse that could damage your relationship later?

I suggest you pull the curtain back and, “Reveal to your spouse any information about your personal history, particularly events that demonstrate personal weakness or failure.” This is what Willard Harley (His Needs, Her Needs) calls HISTORICAL HONESTY.  It will, no doubt, be difficult to have this conversation (or multiple conversations) but you must have it in order for your marriage to have the freedom it needs to grow, develop, and mature. The fe ...

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  • Josh Warren

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