1978 - God had to do surgery on me, He has already put a call on my life to seek his face to find out for myself if he in fact does exist, Up until now I’ve already had my father try to force himself on me, I’ve watched him beat my mother more than once, I’ve had an uncle dressed as a woman tie me up, and attempt to have his way with me, I’ve woken up to his wife having her way with me, I’ve had more women then I care to remember. Now God is calling me again to seek him out. God is backing me into a corner he has a plan for me. But first he needs my obedience to him, to get his way I believe God sent someone to me that He knew I would listen to. She invited me to a movie – (Never before had I seen this woman). She brought me to the 2nd floor of a building I assumed to be a movie theater.
The movie was about a Satanist priest who finds God (imagine that!!!) The lights come up and a man in standing below on a stage. He says there is either one or more here tonight that are involved in this horrendous cult. If so please raise your hand. I looked around and saw one of my followers with this hand raised, he didn’t see me from where he was seated.
At this point God had already begun a disposition change but there needed to be a heart change as well, But the follower had already been more responsive to God then I was. He already received a word from the Lord, and was already responding. But myself? I had gone to church, I was made to attend Church as a child, to go to Sunday school with my sitter. I knew the word, I had been chastised by God. Yet I was unmoved, what I needed was a transfusion, of the Holy Spirit to get inside me.
There was an invitation given a second time. “I know there is someone else! God move in this persons heart!! Get that person on his feet, and bring him – There are so many questions in his heart. Let him come forward and get some of those questions answered. I felt a prodding of the Holy Spirit – I think I mistook it for Satan. I got up and went to where he was standing and without a word said “Let’s go talk” This man answered every question I had about who God was, Why was I still alive after watching so many of the kids I went to school with were either dead or dying. Lonnie Parks run over by a steam roller, Dana Tinkham died of a heart attack, Etc. He said God has a purpose for your life, and my coming forward was a sign that I was being obedient and listening. But at the same time I had a begrudging heart, so His intent for my life was still in question for me. But I was a work in progress.
Jonah 3:6 – In order for me to repent I had to let go of some things, some people in my life who I was incarcerated to, to repent means that I been rehabilitated. If you read the king removed his kingly garments and sat in ashes after he put on sackcloth. This mean that he reclosed his was in sin. And he wanted to make right with God. Just as I would soon figure out.
After my conversion to Christianity – I went back to the coven and told them that I needed to leave, I could no longer serve their master. I then returned to my apartment where everything I owned was gone. Something was thrown over my head so I couldn’t see anything. And I was beaten over and over, to the point I was about to black out. Just before I did someone said, “Where is your God now?” When I woke up I was in a room and couldn’t move. I was in a body cast from my neck to my toes.
I asked “Is this the way you treat, your children? Is this what people who believe in you get as a reward God?” There came a verse to my mind, Job 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand”. I became strangely uncomfortable.
Jonah 4:1-4 I asked the Lord this very question “Why didn’t you just let me die? It was apparent to me that God had decided to let me live, but I was in so much pain (and some days I still am). I wanted to die!! The Drs. Told me I would NEVER walk again. I would have to learn to use my arms again. But all I wanted to do was die!! But God said as He did to Jonah “Does it do you good to be angry?” in other words what good does it do for you to be angry?
See I’ve been saved by God from a very destructive life, but in doing so He also caused me to be obedient – I was STILL begrudging because of where I was. But God sent me a nurse who read to me every night before I went to sleep, from the Bible. She always came in to check on me on her days off. She helped me get into the therapy room so I could work out and use the parallel bars to strengthen me legs so I could walk.
She was my tree sent by God, yet I was STILL angry with him, But later Jonah 4:7 – 11 God sent a worm to destroy the tree. For me my Nurse was found out about and they fired her. I said “ Lord, you need to let me die!! If I can’t walk I’m useless, far better for me to be dead. : God said are you angry that the nurse was fired? I said “What do you think? YES I’m angry that the Nurse got fired.” God was saying to me, “You care more for a person who went out of her way to help you. Then you do for your own life!!” Notice, He says you would rather die because of your pain. Then go and help someone else, I want you to talk to those who hurt you, who took your possessions, who lied to you. I want you to go and tell them what I the Lord your God has done for you!!
I want you to go and tell people I am, and that I am has sent you to talk with them.
After I got out of the hospital, I saw one of my followers, he looked at me like he had seen a ghost! Turned and ran like someone put him on fire. I found out later he was converted as well and was beaten to death. But his family had also been converted and living a Christian life.